This past Tuesday night to Wednesday night was Student Day here on BGU campus. To say that Student Day is a big deal would be a huge understatement. This is possibly the most exciting and looked-forward to event of the year.
Started out with a pretty typical pregame of Fuck the Dealer, Terrets, and Up and Down the River. I faced a bottle of wine to myself (because I am a badass and can no longer hold hard liquor after Cinco de Mayo... some of you know the story). We get significantly drunk and go across campus to catch the buses that take us to a concert in the middle of the desert. Did I mention that this concert is on a Tuesday night and from 7:30 pm to 5 am and the next day it was reported that 18,000 students attended? Yeah, they are hard core here. They legit go out every night of the week. They make Americans look like sad little kiddies at a t-ball tournament. I remember approximately 5% of the bus ride to the concert which apparently also had food booths and little shops that sold jewelry and stuff. The second I get off the bus my sandal BREAKS! Of course it would break one minute into an eight hour long endeavor. Good thing I'm too drunk to care and once I do care it's too late to do anything about it. I carry my shoe in one hand for the entirety of the concert. After we get off the bus I feel as if my kidneys are about to explode unless I get to pee in the lovely, sanitary port-a-potty's provided for us. There are lines out the door. We wait and wait... me growing slowly more drunk and impatient. Then Ariel and I see this girl and her boyfriend standing in between two potties, not in line, waiting like vultures to swoop in and snag a toilet. No way girlfriend... That is not happening. The two see that we notice them and I, in a half drunken- half I'm-just-trying-to-be-a-pain-in-the-ass way, start yelling about democracy and how we wait in line in this country... This sort of goes over well as most people here do not actually speak English... The girls in front of us clearly do as they look mortified. This goes on for about another three minutes until the girl tries to get into a potty and Ariel literally shoots her hand into the door and grabs the girl out! Like the claw in Toy Story. Keep in mind that I am still holding one shoe... Chelsea lent me her other shoe (a size 8 on my size 6 foot) so I wouldn't have to go into the potty barefoot. Lifesaver. The vulture girl scampers away with her boyfriend and we chalk it up to another victory for America.
The night goes on with drinking and dancing up a storm, because that is what we do best. The first day we got here our "social guides" told us to be careful when we open our mouths because the sound of the English language to an Israeli boy is like Viagra. Apparently they watch too much American porn and think all American girls are that easy (and talented), poor boys. Lucky for them three out of nine of the girls on our trip are single. Eventually as I’m slightly sobering up around 1, these grody ("gross" for those of you over the age of thirty) boys approach a few of us. What do I do? I throw them "The Face". Yup Jenna's Marbles "The Face" when you want to get people to stop talking to you. It works like a charm!
These boys start talking in Hebrew, and I turn giving them "The Face". At first they are stunned. For a few seconds they just stare at me, look at Chelsea, look back at me... Then they start laughing a little "Stop that haha, what is she doing? haha seriously". I am serious. Jenna Marbles would be SO proud of how long I held this thing. After a few seconds they are a little disturbed. They give me that "Are you for real" look then look at each other and back to me. "Whatever" one says. Then they turn and walk away. This was a move to even make my mother proud. (Pictures will be posted to the side.)
The rest of the night is filled with drinking and dancing, occasionally losing a few of the girls to random boys. Some of the ladies actually found a group of guys who were there for a bachelor party (weird to be at a college concert when you are 27...) and hung out with them the rest of the night. Had to break a law school graduate’s heart by telling him I had a boyfriend and actually had the pleasure of giving another group "The Face" before the night was over. Around 4 am we decide it is time to head home. Getting on a bus to get back was an adventure on its own! People were literally acting as if this was the last bus to the moon and the apocalypse was coming. Being in line was like that scene in "Finding Nemo" at the end where all the fish are caught in the net and singing "Just keep swimming Just keep swimming!" There was pushing and shoving and fighting and blood all over the place. Well there wasn't really blood but that would have completed this horrific battle scene. When the bus finally came, my friends and I had pretty much given up and were going with the flow. Literally. I did not intentionally put myself on this bus. I was carried on by the surrounding bodies. Backwards. After this fiasco and we finally made it on the bus, i sat down next to a girl.
She's all "You can't sit here! Someone’s sitting here!"
I look around "Well there's no one sitting here now”
Girl: "Well she's coming".
Look bitch, it's 4:30 in the freaking morning on a Wednesday. I am not moving from this seat.
Me: "No".
Bitch: "You need to move! You in her seat!"
At this point the girl in in hysterics and I am about to break her nose so hard she'll actually thank me for having to get a nose job later. But I am in no mood to get arrested in a foreign country (even though I have two passports), so I move to another seat that a nice boy from the back offers me.
Me: "I am going to put a bomb in that girl’s lunchbox..."
Boy: "It's late, everyone's just really tired."
Me "She's lucky I passed anger management..."
At this point I don't know if the boy is regretting offering me a seat or just trying to be nice as he starts talking to me about what I’m doing here, about his love of traveling, etc. which immediately perks me up. At 4:30 I have a very short attention span and can only harbor so many emotions at once.
The bus ride goes smoothly as I sit and chat with my new friend Guy (fifth "Guy" I've met in this country, weird). Until we get off the bus. In the last five minutes of the ride I see a girl tossing her cookies across the aisle from me. Ewwy. As I'm getting off the bus I go down the stairs and onto the side walk. Guess the girl put the trash can down on the floor after her friend threw up because I feel something wet and sticky on the back of my leg. I look down and sure enough there is pink vomit on the back of my leg. I queeze a bit but am determined to get home as fast as possible and take a loooong hot shower and scrub my feet. Oh yeah, I'm still wearing one shoe and carrying the other in hand.
I get home and do exactly that- take the longest shower of my life and pass out like a rock, chalking the night up to a success in Israeli terms. I can't believe this is what these people do every day
Happy Students Day to us!
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